NOT KEEPING SCORE

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV

Play hard, have fun, everybody wins! That was the idea behind the YMCA tee ball team my youngest son, John was on when he was four years old. Everybody won because nobody kept score! Those little guys could take fifteen swings at the ball, skip bases, or run home via first and they were still the champions! Well, even though he had a pretty good time, by the end of his rookie season, John dubbed baseball “lame” and traded his cleats for a pair of drumsticks. That was a great decision. At thirteen, John is quite the prodigy on drums. Baseball? Not so much.

In my role as pastor’s wife, I’m often called upon to be a counselor/mentor to younger women. It’s such a privilege to share with them, and hear their stories, hopes and dreams. Recently, I’ve seen a recurring theme among young married women. They have a tendency to keep score in their marriages. That’s what got me thinking about John and the tee ball team, and how the reason those little guys were free to enjoy the game is they were free from the pressure of anyone keeping score.

A young husband is still very wet behind the ears, and in desperate need of his wife’s respect and approval. Jimmy Evans, the cofounder of Marriage Today, also a respected pastor and author, says what women need most is love, and what men need most is respect. After 27 years of marriage, I’ve found that statement to be entirely true. When wives keep a list of expectations, and check a box when husbands measure up, and give demerits when they don’t, it can cause immeasurable damage to husbands and marriages. Flowers on my birthday, check. Help with the dinner dishes, check. Didn’t take out the trash, two demerits. Didn’t put the toilet seat down, ten demerits. Forgot our anniversary, twenty-five demerits. Usually the husband winds up with more demerits than credits, and everyone is unhappy.

But what if we tried something new? What if we measured our marriages by what we give instead of what we get? What if we were really doers of 1 Corinthians 13:5 and kept no record of wrongs? What if we threw away the check list, and measured our success as wives by how well we don’t keep score? Personally, I find that I’m never happier than when I’m focused on Gene's needs, and not my own. Not keeping score. Give it a try. Play hard, have fun, everybody wins!

Prayer for today: Father, help me to not keep score in any of my relationships. Help me think more highly of others’ needs than my own, and be a doer of Your Word. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

BREAKFAST

Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

Much of the time, my house is filled with teenagers. Three of them are mine, and they all have friends that like to visit. They hang out, play music, watch movies, ride the golf cart, and eat everything in sight! Many Saturday mornings find them scattered around my house in sleeping bags, on couches, or in tents by the lake in the backyard.

Saturday morning is breakfast time for the masses. I always have breakfast food in the house, but some mornings I tell them what’s here for breakfast, and let them serve themselves. My freezer is loaded with waffles, breakfast sandwiches, and toaster streudel. The refrigerator is brimming with good things: juice, fresh fruit, milk, yogurt, and eggs. My pantry is stocked with bread, cereal, and other goodies. There is a bountiful breakfast there, but usually they don’t eat much.

But most Saturday mornings when we have a houseful, I’m up early making breakfast for our guests. I brew the coffee, make sweet rolls or muffins, and make a big breakfast buffet for them. When people finally amble into my kitchen, everything looks and smells delicious, inviting them to eat. All they have to do is grab a plate and enjoy. They eat lots more when I put the food on display!

In the life of a Christ-follower, the fruit of the Spirit is not unlike my breakfast buffet. There’s an abundance of love, joy, peace, and patience in us, ready to give to those around us. There’s a buffet of kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, there for the taking. But do we put it on display, like an inviting buffet, by living our lives for others? Or do we hide it, like food in the pantry, by selfish living? Jesus said “let your light shine”. Let people see Christ in you. Let his love and goodness draw them to a life of following Him, because they saw Him in you!

Prayer for today: Heavenly Father, help me to live a life that displays the fruit of Your Spirit. Help me to live for others, letting my “light shine” so they may find their way to You. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

PERSPECTIVE

Hebrews 13:5 NLT   Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be satisfied with what you have. God has said,  "I will never leave you;
 I will never abandon you."

It was Christmas, 1992.  We had just moved back to our hometown of Denver, Colorado after eighteen months in Corpus Christi.  Gene had been offered a job with great potential, but not much money.  In Texas, our address was a pretty little house on an even prettier street, which fit neatly into our small budget. While we were in Texas, Denver’s real estate prices soared as people from Silicon Valley migrated to the Mile High City.  So we found ourselves unable to afford a house, but instead settled for a six hundred square foot townhouse in a sketchy part of town.  We told ourselves it was ok, it wasn’t permanent.

We had two children then.  Max was six and Samuel was 11 months, and I was enormously pregnant with our little girl.  We joined a wonderful church and became part of the music ministry.  We thanked God our church had a food bank, which we visited every week.  It helped us stretch our small income, and make ends meet.  The holiday season was fast approaching, and we needed all the help we could get!

We couldn’t afford a tree until a few days before Christmas.  Gene found a tree lot owner that was willing to take pennies on the dollar for one of the last trees on the lot.  The specimen he brought home was green, and that is the nicest thing I can say about it!  Do you remember “A Charlie Brown Christmas”?  It was like that tree, small and scruffy and in need of love.  We set up the tree, and were ready to decorate it, but our box of lights and ornaments was nowhere to be found.  We searched high and low, but to no avail. My precious ornaments, collected over a lifetime, were gone, presumably lost in the move. 

With little time before Christmas, I was determined we would decorate our tree.  We didn’t have money for new ornaments, but I had seen a picture in a womens’ magazine of some simple homemade ones.  I found the magazine and clipped the instructions. Max and I made the clay-like dough, cut out the ornaments, and baked them. We used my cookie cutters and made stars, angels, bells and candy canes. When they were dry, we painted them bright holiday colors, and threaded red ribbon through the top of each one.  We put two strands of small colored lights and two dozen candy canes on the tree.  Next, we hung strings of popcorn on the branches, and tied our ornaments to each bough.  Gene made the quintessential foil star for the top, and we were finished.  Our tree was beautiful to us, and we were so thankful.  We had a few gifts for the children and for each other under our little tree.  It was a magical Christmas!  And when we moved from that tiny townhouse 2 years later, I found our lost ornaments in a forgotten cabinet in the garage.

As I was decking the halls last holiday season, I found one of our homemade ornaments from that Christmas of 1992. I put it in a little glass bowl on our coffee table to remind us to be grateful for all God has done. I was telling a friend about that Christmas so long ago, how little we had, and how thankful we were for our scruffy tree and our homemade ornaments. Max seemed so surprised, and said “I didn’t know we were poor!  I thought we made ornaments for fun!”  It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?  It’s all about what we’re focused on.  Max remembered the fun we had, our time together, and the wonderful memories we made.  What a gift, to see our lives through the eyes of a child!

Prayer for today:  Heavenly Father, Teach me to focus on things that really matter.  Help me to be content in whatever situation I find myself, grateful for all You provide. Help me remember You will never abandon me, but always care for me.  In Jesus name, Amen. 

BUILDING MATERIALS

Matthew 7:24-27

24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

I wish I could report that I am never the foolish woman who builds her house on the sand. I wish I could say that when doubt, fear or worry come my way, my first response is always to go to God’s Word and shore up my foundations. But that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is that my response to the storms of life is kind of a mixed bag-some rock, some sand. Maybe that’s your story, too.

Crossroads is a living, breathing example to me. We’re growing quickly, and lots of exciting things are happening. Since we had our first service in our home on February 3^rd of this year, we’ve had 25 first time decisions for Christ, and 45 have renewed their commitment. Since we moved to the College Cinema, our average weekly attendance is 170, including the 45 teens in The Garage on Wednesday nights. We have an amazing staff that includes pastors for youth, children’s, media arts, music, and small groups. We’ve married two couples, and we have a dozen people signed up for our first baptism service on October 5th. Sounds great, right?

But what about when things aren’t going so well, when we have opportunities to doubt or fear? What do I do when attendance is flat, or giving is down, when volunteers are few, or inspiration is in short supply? Those are the times I have the opportunity to “put these things into practice”, and be the wise woman who builds her house on the rock. What does that mean? It means that instead of relying on what we see, we rely on what we believe. I may see that the offering is less than the bills, but I believe Philippians 4:19, that God will provide everything I need. What we see is always subject to change, it’s the sand the foolish woman builds her house on. But what we believe, if it’s God’s Word, is the solid, immovable foundation the wise woman builds her life upon. I want to build fewer sand castles this year!

Prayer for Today:Father, You always keep Your promises. Help me to look not at the things which are seen, which are subject to change, but to always keep my eyes on Your unchanging Word. Help me to build my life on the solid foundation of Your truth, so when the storms of life blow, I will stand strong. In Christ’s name I pray, Amen.

On the road again.......

Hi Everybody,

Just a quick note to apologize for no new post today.  I'm off to Ocala with Gene for our monthly pastor's coaching network.  I'll be back late Tuesday and I'll post new "chick food" on Wednesday morning!  I appreciate your prayers for us as we travel.  Love you all!

MY BIRD

2Cor4:7 We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us.

I live in a tropical area of the South, where the weather is balmy for a good part of the year. The forest around my house is just teeming with wildlife. Deer, possum, rabbits, armadillos, turtles, and scores of birds are among the creatures that call this place home. There is one bird in particular I affectionately call “my bird”.

When we moved to Alabama from Colorado some years ago, I was very homesick for the comfort of my Rocky Mountain home . It was hard to embrace my new surroundings, because everything was so different. I had to adjust to the heat, high humidity, giant bugs, Southern drawls, and sugar in my tea! Over the past eleven years though, I've come to love everything about my Southern home.

Not long after we moved here, I started hearing this beautiful bird-song in the mornings. Her song was clear, musical, and happy….unlike any I had heard before. I looked for the singer of this joyful song, hoping to catch a glimpse, but gave up after a time, content to listen to her sweet forest melody. Several years later, we moved to another house and once again, everything was unfamiliar.

One morning, I was sitting in my office, wishing my bird had made the move with us. Suddenly, I heard that song! I quickly ran out to front the porch. I wanted to see the majestic and beautiful bird who sang that heavenly song. And there, in the rafters of my porch, was a very small brown finch, singing that familiar refrain. How could something so ordinary make such a beautiful sound? How could something so glorious be contained in something so unremarkable?

Later, I thought of 2 Corinthians 4:7 which says that you and I have this treasure (God's glory) in jars of clay. Don't let that ordinary Earth suit in the mirror fool you, though. We may look unremarkable on the outside, but inside....the creativity, strength and beauty of the human spirit is unmatched among God's creations. Who among us can boast then? Clearly our "song" is His and not our own. Just plain glorious.

Prayer for today: Father, thank you that we can see your splendor displayed in your creation. Thank you for using an ordinary person like me to show your glory, your power to a world in desperate need of You. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

UNFINISHED

....being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 NIV

No one is more surprised than me that the Lord has called me to be a pastor's wife. It was number 2 on my "Top Ten Things I'm Definitely Not Called To Do" list, right after 'President of the United States', and before 'Sherpa'. All the pastor's wives I've ever known seem to possess character traits I don't see in myself. I imagine their days begin with several hours of fervent prayer and Bible study, followed by visits to hospitals, nursing homes, and shelters. Then after sorting clothes for the needy and preparing meals for the homeless, they go to spin class, clean the house, help their perfect children with their algebra, prepare a gourmet meal, and end the day interceding for the nations. OK, so that's not a realistic picture of the life of a pastor's wife. But the actual calling seemed almost that far-fetched!

My husband, Gene, began to sense God's call to the ministry shortly after we both received Christ.  I was so relieved when it turned out we were called to music ministry rather than the pastorate.  The more we served, the more work we were given to do. Always in supportive roles, we led worship, we sang at retreats and schools and churches. We had opportunities to serve in men's, women's and children's ministry- from preschool to high school. We were involved with the homeless, the addicted, the battered, the broken. From VBS to Easter productions to choirs to youth bands. And then it happened: Gene was given an opportunity to speak. Uh-oh. Clearly, God had gifted him to share the Word. I was relieved again to discover he was called to preach to teenagers. Ohhhh, YOUTH ministry...good, good. Whew! That was a close one!

Then one night, when he was traveling for business, my husband sensed God calling him to pastor. And he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord did NOT want him to say a word about it to me. Smart move. So we continued to serve in youth and music, totally in our comfort zone (my favorite zone). Then about five years ago, Gene knew it was time to tell me about the call. I laughed out loud. I really did! (I've read about women in the Bible who laughed at something God said. It wasn't a good idea then, either.) I argued until I was out of breath that both Gene and the Lord were barking up the wrong tree. "I'm completely unfit!", I bellowed (see, I told you I wasn't cut out for this). "I don't have the desire, the patience, or the temperament to do that job!", I continued. Despite my insistence that there was no way I would ever be a pastor's wife, my patient husband was unmoved. "You don't have to be like any other pastor's wife", he said. "Be the pastor's wife I need".  Now why'd he have to go and say that?

I finally agreed to at least mention it in prayer, and see if that's really what the Lord had in mind. So I timidly asked Him to show me the right path. Sure enough. Pastor's wife. That was the plan. Scriptures like "you are not your own, you are bought with a price" began to fill my thoughts. I told my husband I had confirmed the plan with the Almighty. "But I am NOT happy", I told him. As the time of launching our church approached, I remembered some things I had learned along the way. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. He uses the foolish things to confound the wise. And the verse that finally won my heart....."He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6)....That means that even though He's not finished with me, even though I am spectacularly imperfect, He can use my life for His glory!

Every day at our church, God makes much of what little I offer Him: my love for His word, my passion to see the lost know Christ, my desire to do His will. The people of Crossroads are deep in my heart, always on my mind, and the subject of my daily prayers. What a privilege it is to share the journey with so many precious people and to watch as God transforms their lives. And...now here's the crazy part...I can't imagine doing anything else!

Kudos to Pastor Gene for steadfastly resisting the urge to say "I told you so"....

Prayer for today: Father, I'm thankful that I am a work in progress, and You are not finished with me yet. I long to do Your will, and to be all that You have called me to be. Change me, shape me, and use me to touch the lives of Your people. In Christ's Name I pray, Amen.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Exodus 20:7 “Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” KJV

Even though I didn’t grow up in a church-going family, I remember hearing those words. Saying “God” instead of “gosh”, or using God’s name like an expletive was a no-no in my house. “Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain”, my mom would say. But now that I’m a Christ-follower, this scripture has much broader meaning in my life.

So what’s in a name? Today, people often choose a name for their child because they like the name, not really considering its meaning. In ancient times though, a person’s name declared their parents’ hopes, dreams, and expectations for their child. For instance, the name “Samuel” means “we asked God for him”. Not all names had a positive meaning, though. The old testament name Jabez meant “He Will Cause Pain”. His mother had a difficult time in childbirth, and she gave him that terrible label. Can you imagine? At the family picnic, relatives would say, “I don’t want to sit by “He Will Cause Pain”! Every time he introduced himself he said “I Will Cause Pain.” A name is a powerful thing.

When I married my husband, I took his name as my own. My bank account, business cards, everything changed to my married name. But there was much more to taking his name than just having it printed on my checks. My identity changed. I experienced the benefit of his good name, and everything I did now reflected on him. All that was mine became his, and everything that was his became mine. Taking his name had a profound impact on my life.

But what if I had married him and taken his name, but refused to change anything about my life? What if I said “I like having his name, because being his wife has lots of benefits. But I don’t want to live with him, or change anything I do, or listen to his guidance, or spend any time with him.” You might say that was a marriage “in name only”, right?

When we become a Christ-follower, we become part of the bride of Christ. The Bible says we are “called by His name”. But if we refuse to abide (live) in Him, or allow ourselves to be changed by His influence, or spend time with Him, we take His name in vain! Our lives should look different because we belong to Him. All that is ours (our sin, our need) became His, and all that is His (forgiveness, salvation) became ours! We enjoy all the eternal benefits of His good name, so let’s not be His in name only!

Prayer for Today: Heavenly Father, I don’t ever want to be a Christian “in name only”. As I spend time with You, and learn of Your ways, I pray my life will reflect Your goodness, Your love, and Your glory to a world that desperately needs You. In Your precious Name, I pray. Amen.

BUSY HANDS

Proverbs 14:1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands…….20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

In a beautiful church, on a snowy February night, Gene put a wedding ring on my finger and we said “I do”. I was 20, and the hands that wore that ring were soft, my fingers slender, my nails long and perfectly polished. I didn’t do much housework in those days, just ask my Mom! On second thought, you don’t need to talk to her….. Now, more than 2 decades later, I do not have pretty hands. My fingers are no longer slender, but stubby. My fingernails are clean, short and unpolished. My hands are dry and wrinkly from years of diaper changing, cleaning, cooking and washing dishes for my family of six. They have a delicate texture from years of medicine for nickel allergies and eczema. But my husband thinks my hands are beautiful.

Several years ago, Gene bought me a new wedding ring, and wearing it made me notice my hands. I told him I was making an appointment for a manicure and a parafin so my hands wouldn’t look like I fix tractors for a living. He laughed and gave me maybe the best compliment of my life. He said “Your hands are beautiful to me because of the work you do with them.” Wow. You see why I married this man?

Physical beauty is fleeting. Waistlines spread (what waistline?) Gravity wins. So does gray hair, eventually. But the work that we do with our hands in Christ’s name will remain. With my hands I’ve rocked babies, and colored in coloring books. My hands have mended broken toys and broken hearts. I’ve held hands with my husband, and brushed away tears of sadness and joy. My hands have turned the pages of my Bible in every season of life. With my hands I give food to the needy, and write devotions to encourage women. What can you do with your hands today that will last? It’s not about how pretty your hands are…it’s about how busy they are!

Prayer for today: Father, I offer my hands to you as instruments of your love. Show me today what I can do with my hands that will have lasting value in the lives of others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.